Let Them Eat Cake!

Boxed cakes… Easy enough to make, right? Add the egg, oil, cake mix, bake, and BOOM! Cake. Wait for said cake to cool, stack it, and then frost. It’s not rocket science. Or is it?

Exhibit A: Yo Mama’s cake. The struggle is real.

Reynold’s Wrap?!

Hi friends!  Long time, no see...  I've got a new Yo Mama story for ya.  For almost all of my life, my mom has been HIGHLY against drinking.  She was against me drinking, my sister drinking, and herself drinking.  Well, my friends...  How the tides have changed.  Now my mama is a wine connoisseur.  I wish I could tell you what brought about this sudden change, but I know just as much about the situation as you do.  One day drinking was bad.  The next day, she needed a glass of wine to end a stressful night.  I'm going to blame it on a mid-life crisis.

Now...  Just because my lovely mother has taken up drinking, does not mean that she is up on all of the drinking etiquette.  I'm guessing she has never heard of a wine stopper before, because this is how she's been storing her open bottles:

Yes.  That is a piece of tin foil.  I have nothing further to say.....

Remember the Knife in My Trunk?

Hi friends! No, that title is not from some cheesy horror film. That’s an actual text that I received from Yo Mama. It’s well known in the family that Yo Mama requires a capable caregiver at ALL times. Otherwise, she gets herself into all types of trouble. Hence, where most of the stories from this blog come from. Well today, Yo Mama was with a not-so-experienced caregiver. And trouble ensued. About a month ago, I saw that my mother had a VERY large knife in the back of her trunk. Upon questioning her, she told me that she had confiscated it from someone at work and needed to “properly dispose of it”. Now is the time where I tell you that by “large knife” I mean machete-type knife. Yup. Big, long, ridiculously sharp knife just sitting loosely in her trunk. Loosely!!!! Not stored in a box. Or even safely secured in a corner. Just thrown in the trunk. We’ll just skip over the part where I tell her that it is unsafe to have that knife in her trunk (for SO many reasons). Now let’s just skip forward to today, shall we? About mid-afternoon, I receive this text from her:

Is anyone shocked here?!?! Because I’m not! Oh, and come to find out, it was actually 17 stitches. Se-ven-teen. Also, don’t judge me on my lack of concern! You all know how Yo Mama is! This type of behavior is expected!!! Now… let’s just focus on one text in particular.

How shady does that text sound when taken out of context?!?!?!?! I will keep this forever. Can you say blackmail? That is all. Goodnight.